Diary of a Fat CrossFitter – In Translation

Two friends, both of whom I respect greatly, have shared criticisms of a recent post I wrote about a CrossFit class. Kool-Aid isn’t paleo, but if it were, I’d certainly have drunk it. Instead of promising to write a glossary and then not doing it, I’m just going to provide a (profanity-free*) translation.

I went to CrossFit on Thursday because I looked at the WOD and said to myself, “Running? Partner metcon? FUCK THIS SHIT, I’m staying home.”

I went to the gym on Thursday because I checked out the programmed workout posted online by the gym and said to myself, “A cardio conditioning workout that requires that I run while my partner does another activity, and then we switch back and forth for fifteen minutes? To heck with this! I’m staying home.”

So of course I went, because I’m not about to be like, “Wah wah wah, I only do metcons I like.”

So of course I went, because I’m not about to be like, “Wah way wah, I only do workouts I like.”

And of course, there was neither a partner workout or running, and I was like FUCK YEAH, THURSDAYS ROCK.

And of course, there was neither a partner workout or running, and I was like, YEAH! THURSDAYS ROCK!

And then the coach was like, burpees + thrusters, and I was like, FUCK, I knew I should have STAYED HOME.

And then the trainer was like, squat thrusts + a left that involves a squat + a push press and some explosive force, and I was like, MAN! I should not have come today.

And then I didn’t finish the metcon within the time limit, and I was like, FUCK, it’ll only take me 30 more seconds, might as well finish anyway. So I did.

And then I didn’t finish the cardio conditioning within the time limit, and instead of stopping, I took 30 more seconds to finish.

Sounds like progress to me.

Indeed.

* Future posts will certainly not be profanity free because I am secretly twelve and still think fart jokes are funny. Sorry.

Diary of a Fat CrossFitter – At CFSA, they are apparently called “Scotts”


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I went to CrossFit on Thursday because I looked at the WOD and said to myself, “Running? Partner metcon? FUCK THIS SHIT, I’m staying home.”

So of course I went, because I’m not about to be like, “Wah wah wah, I only do metcons I like.”

And of course, there was neither a partner workout or running, and I was like FUCK YEAH, THURSDAYS ROCK.

And then the coach was like, burpees + thrusters, and I was like, FUCK, I knew I should have STAYED HOME.

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And then I didn’t finish the metcon within the time limit, and I was like, FUCK, it’ll only take me 30 more seconds, might as well finish anyway. So I did.

Sounds like progress to me.

Happy Independance Day!

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What an amazing way to celebrate the Fourth. The last time I was in the States for Independence Day, I was in college. Since then, I’ve elebrated as a Peace Corps Volunteer, as an entrepreneur abroad, as a local hire at a U.S. Embassy in Cotonou, in Freetown as the GSO (logistician-in-chief), and now, back in the States as a plain-old-regular American Citizen.

Lemme tell you, it is AMAZING celebrating Independence Day and not having responsibility for the enjoyment of anyone but my family.

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Bertrand with cousins Grace and Austin

We started the day by heading up to MD to have brunch with my parents and my brothers’ family. Trying to get all three families on the same page for major holidays has become a bit of a challenge. We’ve solved it by getting the Carpenters and Sondjos together for breakfast, instead of fighting over whose going to eat lunches and dinner where. Nobody else wants to get up at the ass-crack of dawn to drive to MD, so we never run into traffic, and we never have conflicting plans.

Awesome.

After an amazing (and unphotographed) breakfast, we went outside to let the kids exhaustthemselves. They did. OF COURSE AND THANKFULLY THEY DID.

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You thought his name was, “Bertrand.” Actually, it’s “Jungle Gym.”

On the way back to Crystal City, we saw a ton of people and tents at Long Bridge Park. I thought it would just be folks spreading out blankets to watch the show, but it turns out, there was a huge community event going on!

Except that Jasmine and Grace were fast asleep in the car and neither Bertrand nor I were convinced of their capacity to not turn into disasters before the fireworks started. We made a pact. We would go and have fun, and the moment either one of us thought either one of the kids were about to break down, we’d happily leave and not worry about the fireworks.

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Soccer balls and face painting and food trucks and live music, oh my!  The kids had a blast.  We have been pleasantly surprised at what an effort Arlington and Crystal City are putting into making this area less “soulless suburbia” and more “pleasant neighborhood.”

 

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After walking the entire park (and that thing is huge), Bertrand and I were ready to find a spot in the grass.  I was exhausted.  I’ve been practicing my thruster/ wall ball form with Jasmine all day.  Turns out, you can get some real air on a toddler when you use proper form.  Turns out, a 30 lbs toddler is a lot heavier than the 15 lbs bar I was using last night.  We spread our blankets in the vicinity of a lot of families, and Jasmine had a great time running around like a maniac with other kids while we took a much needed break.  I’d heard previously that a few hundred people would be at the park to watch the fireworks, but last night, there were easily a couple of thousand.  The park was packed.

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“Grace, I am going to read to you!”

Amazingly, we made it until about 8:45. Without whining or screaming, Jasmine turned to me and said, “Maman, I’m TIRED. I want to go HOME.” Who can argue with that? So we packed up, got the kids together, convinced Jasmine to walk instead of being carried, and started making our way out of the park.

While on the long bridge out, we saw fireworks in the distance. We stopped and waited for a few more minutes, but they didn’t start in DC immediately, and Jasmine was turning into cranky pants. Just as we made it out of the park, we heard an explosion in the sky. The show had begun!

I’m so glad we got to see them! Jasmine was enchanted. Lights! In the sky! Over! And over! And over!

Happy Independence Day, America.

Diary of a Fat CrossFitter – CrossFit is secretly Drum Corps

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Thought I was gonna puke halfway through last night’s workout. Bless his heart, the coach was like, “You should do a shorter run for this last round.” So I did, and I didn’t puke, and all was well with the world.

Crossfit seems to be about destroying yourself physically, workout after workout after workout.  Short term misery for long term gains. You work your ass off during the skills and strength training part of the class, then you dump everything you’ve got left into the metcon, until you’re utterly incapable of giving anything more, and lying on the floor after the workout of your life.

That moment when you’re finished. And you don’t have to take one more step. And you know you’ve given it everything you can. And you know that somehow, you still have to find the energy walk off the fieldwalk home.  And it’s the best feeling ever.

Also, it’s insanely expensive, has a rabidly obsessive community, instills in its followers sense of moral superiority over the rest of the world, and encourages a cult-like social scene.

Yup. CrossFit feels a lot like drum corps, sometimes.

Crystal City Farmer’s Market

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Image courtesy of Crystal City

One of the best things about living in Crystal City is the amazing farmer’s market.  Sure, it’s for rich yuppies who have more many than sense, but I live in NoVa, so that’s basically everything here.

Every Tuesday, from 3:30 to 7:30, about two dozen vendors line a shady sidewalk to hawk their wares.  There are lots of organic vegetables, but also artisanal cheeses, breads, and yes, delicious pickles.

Even … bacon.

Yes, we belong to a CSA, and yes, we have a Costco literally down the block, but it’s really nice to be able to pick up a few extra vegetables on a Tuesday evening without having to trek all the way to the grocery store.

Diary of a Fat CrossFitter: First time Fran

crossfit_not_drunk_squatsI <3 squats.  And lifting. But not benchmark WODs. No, indeed.  Helen, and Fran, and the rest could take a flying leap off a cliff, and I wouldn’t be upset to read about it in the paper the next day.

Monday night, I was the only person in my class. My box holds several novice classes on Mondays, and since I 1) care about seeing my kids on week nights and 2) don’t care about the World Cup (sacrilege, I know), I attend the 7:30 class. Since everyone else in the world watches the World Cup, I found myself alone w/ a coach.

When you’re by yourself, and your coach is hollering at you during all of Fran, albeit a heavily scaled Fran, and then, instead of letting you stop at the time cap as expected, he tells you to go ahead and fucking finish, well, fuck.  Walking home was difficult.

Needless to say, I am getting my money’s worth out of my membership.

FS Blog Rejuvenation FINAL Round Up

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Sunset in Crystal City, Arlington, VA

The last few weeks have been busy for everyone!  Here are the final posts for the FS Spring Rejuvenation!

I’ve really been enjoying JDC’s posts about life in Lagos.  All FS families think that the drivers at their post are the worst in the world.  In JDC’s case, she’s right.

Kitchen Cables shares her experiences of a Balkan market.

Connie picked up chili peppers at the grocery store, and shared a delicious looking recipe for Chili Relleno Casserole.

Kate describes a trip to CASEA, an open air farmer’s market in Brasilia.

And finally, a round up of Moscow grocery stores from Crafty Foreign Service.

Bonus Prompts!

While writing the prompts over the last six weeks, I ended up with a long list of ideas that I wasn’t able to squeeze into six weeks of prompts.  Fellow FS bloggers, here are several more ideas for posts:

Find someone new and local to hang up in your home. What do you display on the walls of your home — photos, posters, artwork, nothing? How do you choose what to dislay? What mood are you trying to create?
Tell us about something you know you should do . . . but don’t.
When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?
Have you ever gone to a new place or tried a new experience at Post and thought to yourself, “I’m never doing that again!” Tell us about it.
What does patriotism mean to you?
What are you thankful for today?
Share 5 items on your bucket list
What is the one piece of advice your parents gave you that still sticks with you today?
What do you do to nourish your soul when you feel emotionally depleted?
What you’re loving on Pinterest right now?
Why did you start blogging?
What was the last book you read?
What’s a book you could read again and again and again?
The worst thing that ever happened to you in the FS, and what you learned from it
5 top things and 5 bottom things about your most recent (or current) post (shamelessly stolen from whomever organized this the last time)
5 rules for surviving your first pack out
5 Questions you should ask your sponsor before you arrive at Post
5 things you think new arrivals should know about your Post before they get off the plane
5 ways to be a great ___________ at Post (sponsor, employee, friend, event organizer, social butterfly, WHATEVER)
A day in the life at Post

FS Blog Spring Rejuvenation – FINAL PROMPTS

It’s the last week of our Foreign Service Blog Rejuvenation!  This week’s prompts are about what inspires us.

Prompt 1: Do you have a favorite quote that you return to again and again? What is it, and why does it move or inspire you?

Prompt 2: Find three other FS blogs that inspire you. Link up your favorite posts (don’t have to be the most recent).

Prompt 3: Take a photo of something unique to your post that inspires you.

Tomorrow’s round up will be for weeks four and five, and the final round up will go up next Tuesday, 6/24.