Fitness

Dairy of a Fat CrossFitter – Still Running

IMG_3313
Pre-cool-down selfie with Grace. She slept the whole time!

I got up yesterday morning thinking I’d catch the metro to go for a run* downtown with Jasmine, only to discover that it doesn’t open until 7. WUT. Washington DC, it’s like I don’t even know you anymore. Yesterday, I had a blast running with Jasmine. I expected her to fall back asleep in the stroller, but yesterday, she got really into the workout! She insisted on getting out and running and walking with me (such that she could), and then at the end, stretched with me too. SO MUCH FUN.

It’s true. My favorite running buddy is a two-year-old.

Today, Jasmine didn’t want to get up. The noise we made discussing the relative merits of sleeping vs. going out woke Grace up. Since Grace didn’t seem inclined to go back to sleep right away, I went ahead and brought her with me. Just kidding. She was out like a light the second we got outside.

IMG_3315
Sweet sweet Grace. Easier to run with than Jasmine, but not as much fun to stretch with afterwards.

I run outside on the weekends with Jasmine (and now Grace) to get used to running with a loaded down stroller. Turns out, I love running outside, and running outside is way easier for me than running on the treadmill (MapMyRun says I run slower). This is a good thing. At this point, it’s better for me if I train hard on the treadmill, where it’s easy to pace myself, and then relax on my longer outdoor runs, I think.

This morning, I was surprised at how much I was looking forward to the run, and then how damn happy I was while I was running. I can’t believe it’s taken me my entire adult life to figure out how much I need this. Certainly, it’s cheaper than therapy. Watching the sunrise over the Washington Monument was beautiful, and something I could get used to doing on a regular basis.

The best part is that when I got back this morning with Grace, Jasmine bounded out of bed and asked me if it was time to go run! She was bitterly disappointed that I’d already gone, since she hadn’t wanted to get out of bed. She made me promise to take her next weekend, no matter what, even if she didn’t want to wake up (that’s a pretty advanced sense of time and self-awareness, for a two-year-old).

And that, of course, is why I do this. The personal benefits are great. But encouraging activity and a love of the outdoors in my kids? Worth it at any price.

* And by “run,” I mean, continuing c25k and doing a kind of walk/ jog/ shuffle/ lean on the stroller because I am going to die.

5k training

Yeah!  5k!  Holy shit, it’s less than a month away and I AM SO NOT READY.

I’ve been complaining for months now (seriously, since before we left Freetown) that the tires in the Bob are flat.  The damn thing still pushes pretty easily, but not so easily that I want to run with it.  Sure, I could take care of it myself, but it’s far easier to bitch about a problem for months until my husband gets so tired of the complaining that he takes care of it himself.

My husband took the tires apart on Tuesday night, only to discover that one of the tubes is completely destroyed.  I mean completely.  As in, the tube has actually been shredded into multiple pieces and was just sitting there in the tire.

Anyway, we’ve ordered new tubes and a repair kit and some spares, but that’s why I’m still not training outside with the stroller.

That, and I’m a lazy-ass.

Diary of a Fat CrossFitter – Progress is Progress

worlds okayest runner

Our skill work last night was hand-stand push-ups (HSPU), which are exactly as awful as they sound. Do a hand-stand. Then lower your head to the ground. Then push back up. The good news is, there are lots of scaling options for HSPUs. The bad news is that I had to scale all the way back to holding a pike position (like a pushup, but with your bottom in the air and you looking at your feet) for 20 seconds. No pike pushups, even.
But that’s better than I could have done three months ago, when I started.

Sometimes I look at the progress I’m making and ask myself why I didn’t start this earlier. Last night’s warm-up was a 400m run, not only did I run the whole way, I could have run for longer. I remember when I couldn’t even run 100m (seriously … I had to walk at the halfway point of a 200m warm-up run). I’m still slow as molasses, and still the slowest in my class by, oh say, a third, but I can run further and longer than I’ve ever been able to as an adults. And that’s some awesome sauce, right there.

Next up, mobility. Turns out that I have some awesome mobility in some spots, and terrible mobility in other spots (mobility is code for flexibility). I’m thinking about attending my gym box’s twice-weekly yoga class. Or following a class online.

Any yogis out there want to weigh in on a great series of yoga DVDs or YouTube videos?

PS edited this post because WHOA formatting. Sorry about that, y’all.

Diary of a Fat Crossfitter – Time cap? What time cap?

Post-Helen Theresa
Post-Helen Theresa

The best way to get one-on-one time with the coaches at my gym box is to finish last. I like to think it’s because the coaches are admiring my determination and fortitude, but I’m pretty sure it’s only because they’re worried Imma hurt myself.

My box appears to have some rhyme and reason to its programming, and part of that is testing. How much can you lift? How fast can you get through this benchmark metcon workout? How far do you have to scale the workouts to complete them under the time cap? How much have you improved since the last time you tested?  I’m happy to be done with benchmark week. I could do the last two workouts in the progression this weekend, but I’m looking forward to a quiet weekend snuggled up with my family and my Arabic flashcards.

This week I’ve discovered that I can deadlift a decent amount for a novice. I still can’t do a single goddamned pushup. And I infinitely prefer ring rows to rope raises.

Also, I have completed zero benchmark workouts under the time cap. Bless the coaches’ hearts, they let me finish anyway.

Diary of a Fat CrossFitter – Things I’ve Been Reading

It’s “benchmark week” at my box gym, whatever that means. I think it means a lot of pain, but I could be wrong. No, wait, I’m probably right. Expect it to be described in excruciating and profane detail at the end of the week. Until then, here are a few articles that have crossed my radar in the last couple of days.

I offended Melissa McCarthy so you don’t have to

That’s not to say that we should ignore a woman’s size altogether, because as writer Lisa C. Knisely reminds us “the fucking worst thing you can tell a fat girl is that she isn’t fat,” but pointing it out in a cutesy, wink-wink,oh-we-get-it way might serve to make people feel infantilized or emphasize being treated differently. We need to celebrate people’s bodies for the right reasons.

I’m still a fat fucking CrossFitter, don’t you guys worry.

My ‘Naked’ Truth

Naked, I stood at the closet doors with the lights on and made myself ready. I took a deep breath and positioned the mirrors so I could see all of me. I consciously worked to remove my self-believed inner image. I opened my eyes and looked very carefully at my body. And my heart lurched at the truth: I am not a young woman anymore. I am a woman well-lived. My body tells of all the years she has carried my spirit through life.

Perhaps most appalling is her date’s blindness to how hurtful he was.

There are Two Kinds of Fat People

If people have studies that say that everyone going paleo and doing crossfit will save on healthcare costs and be better for the “good of society” do we all have to eat a steak while we flip tires in a garage with no air conditioning? The only good answer to this is that each of us gets to choose how highly we prioritize our health and what path we choose to get there. Public health should be about making information and options available to the public, not making individual bodies the public’s business. If people want to flip tires in an air conditioned gym while eating Kraft singles and wearing a plarn backpack that’s totally their deal, I say rock on.

BONUS NON BODY ACCEPTANCE LINK: I’m loving Cup of Jo’s Motherhood Around the World series. Raising Jasmine, then later Grace, in Freetown was an adventure, but so wonderful. In a world where every day there’s a new story on CNN about something awful happening to a toddler, I’m grateful for the opportunities I’ve had while raising my own wonderful daughters.

P.S. Deadlift PR last night.  It was awesome.

Diary of a Fat CrossFitter – In Translation

Two friends, both of whom I respect greatly, have shared criticisms of a recent post I wrote about a CrossFit class. Kool-Aid isn’t paleo, but if it were, I’d certainly have drunk it. Instead of promising to write a glossary and then not doing it, I’m just going to provide a (profanity-free*) translation.

I went to CrossFit on Thursday because I looked at the WOD and said to myself, “Running? Partner metcon? FUCK THIS SHIT, I’m staying home.”

I went to the gym on Thursday because I checked out the programmed workout posted online by the gym and said to myself, “A cardio conditioning workout that requires that I run while my partner does another activity, and then we switch back and forth for fifteen minutes? To heck with this! I’m staying home.”

So of course I went, because I’m not about to be like, “Wah wah wah, I only do metcons I like.”

So of course I went, because I’m not about to be like, “Wah way wah, I only do workouts I like.”

And of course, there was neither a partner workout or running, and I was like FUCK YEAH, THURSDAYS ROCK.

And of course, there was neither a partner workout or running, and I was like, YEAH! THURSDAYS ROCK!

And then the coach was like, burpees + thrusters, and I was like, FUCK, I knew I should have STAYED HOME.

And then the trainer was like, squat thrusts + a left that involves a squat + a push press and some explosive force, and I was like, MAN! I should not have come today.

And then I didn’t finish the metcon within the time limit, and I was like, FUCK, it’ll only take me 30 more seconds, might as well finish anyway. So I did.

And then I didn’t finish the cardio conditioning within the time limit, and instead of stopping, I took 30 more seconds to finish.

Sounds like progress to me.

Indeed.

* Future posts will certainly not be profanity free because I am secretly twelve and still think fart jokes are funny. Sorry.