Diary of a Fat CrossFitter – In Translation
Two friends, both of whom I respect greatly, have shared criticisms of a recent post I wrote about a CrossFit class. Kool-Aid isn’t paleo, but if it were, I’d certainly have drunk it. Instead of promising to write a glossary and then not doing it, I’m just going to provide a (profanity-free*) translation.
I went to CrossFit on Thursday because I looked at the WOD and said to myself, “Running? Partner metcon? FUCK THIS SHIT, I’m staying home.”
I went to the gym on Thursday because I checked out the programmed workout posted online by the gym and said to myself, “A cardio conditioning workout that requires that I run while my partner does another activity, and then we switch back and forth for fifteen minutes? To heck with this! I’m staying home.”
So of course I went, because I’m not about to be like, “Wah wah wah, I only do metcons I like.”
So of course I went, because I’m not about to be like, “Wah way wah, I only do workouts I like.”
And of course, there was neither a partner workout or running, and I was like FUCK YEAH, THURSDAYS ROCK.
And of course, there was neither a partner workout or running, and I was like, YEAH! THURSDAYS ROCK!
And then the coach was like, burpees + thrusters, and I was like, FUCK, I knew I should have STAYED HOME.
And then the trainer was like, squat thrusts + a left that involves a squat + a push press and some explosive force, and I was like, MAN! I should not have come today.
And then I didn’t finish the metcon within the time limit, and I was like, FUCK, it’ll only take me 30 more seconds, might as well finish anyway. So I did.
And then I didn’t finish the cardio conditioning within the time limit, and instead of stopping, I took 30 more seconds to finish.
Sounds like progress to me.
* Future posts will certainly not be profanity free because I am secretly twelve and still think fart jokes are funny. Sorry.продвижение сайта