On having it all. Or opting out of the debate.
Nobody in the whole goddamn world has it all. Everyone has to make choices. Ignore, for a moment, the institutionalized sexism that women face every day. As an Angry Militant Feminist, I’m telling you that the sexism doesn’t matter.
Get angry about the sexism.
Fight the sexism.
But don’t let the fact that sexism exists blind you to the fact that everyone has to make choices. All grown-ups have to decide between having THIS and having THAT. Hvaing your cake and eating it too died out with fuedalism.
Guess what? This week, I had to choose between taking my daughter to visit her grandparents on her first birthday and being in Freetown to do my job on her first birthday. NO BRAINER. I signed up to do a job, and I am going to do it.
Guess what else? Today, I had to choose between going into the office on a Saturday and working for 3 hours, or writing from home, where I could be close to my daughter, and working for 6 (because babies require attention). NO BRAINER. I am at home.
More choices: ordering pizza for lunch or not eating dairy because it makes my daughter sick. Leaving my daughter with the neighbors so that my husband and I can have a quiet evening out or cabin fever because TOO MUCH BABY. Leaving the house before dawn every day so that I can get out of the office in time to spend the evening with my daughter, or sleeping in and getting to work at a reasonable hour.
These choices are not unusual. They are not rare. They are not an indication that I do not “have it all.” “Having it all” is code for, “Woman, you will never be good enough. Whatever choice you make, it will be the wrong one.” That is bullshit. I am good enough.
And so are you.