I am a lucky woman. When I made my decision to lose weight get healthy, my husband was nothing but supportive. Now, a few months into the process, he continues to be nothing but supportive.
He thought I was beautiful and sexy and perfect when I was 225. He thinks I’m beautiful and sexy and perfect now that I’ve lost 20 lbs. And he’ll think I’m beautiful and sexy and perfect after I’ve lost another 55. He’s happy that I’m eating healthily and exercising not because I’m losing weight and getting H-O-T-T, but because it makes me happy.
And bless his heart, he’d move mountains if I said it would make me happy. I’m starting to tear up, just writing this. Gawd. He’s the greatest.
Not everyone is as lucky as I am. Today, Tony wrote:
My wife loved me just as much at 420 pounds as she does now. She finds me just as attractive when I wore size 60 pants as now in a tank top.
She never forced me to lose weight, she never gave me an ultimatum, she never cared about the scale, but more for me to be healthy.
He then goes on to describe women who withhold sex because their husbands aren’t losing weight. Women who want to force their husbands into getting healthier. Women who just don’t get that it’s a decision that a person can only make for him or herself, and that the best thing they can do is to be supportive. Women who want their husbands to be as good looking as they were when they got married. The opposite exists as well. I’m going to leave my feminist hat off for this post, but rest assured, the pressure on wives to stay skinny is as high as it is on husbands. Tony just doesn’t get those kinds of emails because he’s a guy.
Dawn, another healthy living blogger who’s been incredibly successful on her journey responded:
We started going to therapy, but it was clear he needed individual help, medication, etc. It was also clear to me that I needed to move on. That I needed someone that would really love me for the person I was. I couldn’t just continue to stay with him so he wouldn’t be alone. I did stay 2 more years though. But eventually I got the get up and go and I went, me and my cat, into our own place.
At first I cried a lot, I hated being alone but soon I realized so many things about myself. The main thing being I was worth something. Maybe I couldn’t fix my weight and I wouldn’t for the next 14 yrs but I definitely could have a relationship with someone that really loved me for me fat and all.
My husband drives me crazy sometimes, but he’s the most supportive person in the world when it comes to this lifestyle change. Sure, sometimes he doesn’t quite get it, but he really doesn’t need to. This is my change. I own it and it’s about me, not him. He can support me during this journey, but he sure as hell can’t do it for me. Not even with me.
Everyone deserves someone who loves them exactly the way they are. Sure, you can wish your partner were healthier, but you gotta understand, changing your entire lifestyle isn’t the same as learning to put your clothes in the laundry basket. It’s a long and difficult journey that will never finish. Ever. And if you can’t love a person for who they are right in this moment inspite of and because of all of the quirks and faults that make them unique and wonderful, why the hell are you with them anyway?
I hope that everyone ends up as lucky as I am.