What did Theresa do last night?
If you guessed sleep, you are DEAD FUCKING WRONG.
Last night’s overpriced hamburger didn’t go down well. It was the first time I’ve managed to get food poisoning (how do you “get” food poisoning? don’t you just poison yourself? weird) since I’ve been at post. I get home, a little tispy and a lot tired, only to find out that my GODDAMNED STUPID CAT has pooped all over my room. Everywhere. And had refused to eat the catfood I’d left out for it.
I mop up, start the ruined clothes and sheets soaking in detergent and water, to facilitate the cleaning process, and go to sleep. An hour of tossing and turning later, I dash to the bathroom and lose my dinner. Thinking that was all, I went back to bed. 2 hours of tossing and turning later, I’m back in the bathroom, wreaking havoc in all directions.
Whilst I’m emptying myself, my STUPID FUCKING CAT decides to shit on my bed. And it’s sloppy shit too. I get back, exhausted, uncomfortable, but thankfully no longer sick, and put my knee right in it. Ooooh, unhappy Theresa. I clean and disinfect it, then flip the mattress so I don’t have to sleep on the big wet spot soaping it left. 20 minutes later, there’s warmth on my leg. That’s right. My cat pissed on me. I think he was hungry. I THINK HE SHOULD EAT THE GODDAMNED CAT FOOD. He disagrees.
I run to the bathroom to puke one last time, come back, and clean up. Oh wait. I don’t have any SHEETS left, and there’s an enormous COLD WET SPOT on my mattress, again, from the soaping. FUCKING CAT. At this point, it’s just past 3 am. I’m keyed up, annoyed, and clearly not going to fall asleep any time soon. Especially since my mattress is wet.
So I do laundry. That’s right. Felt like college all over again. Stressed? Can’t sleep? Clean! I washed my bedclothes (which fucking sucks, by hand, btw). Then I cleaned the bathroom floor. Then I changed the cat litter. Then I washed dishes. Then I figured I might was well just clean the whole damn kitchen. Then it was 4h30 in the morning, and I had to be up at 6 anyway, so I finished a book, and finally dozed off around 5h30.
For the record, I didn’t drown my cat. I’m not entirely clear on why his litter training has decided to desert him after a week in my apartment, but we’re going to work through this. And I will never eat a hamburger at Baccus again.