HOW AM I GOING TO GO TWENTY-SEVEN MONTHS WITHOUT COFFEE AND CIGARETTES?!?!?!?!
Okay, Carpenter, calm down. You’ve just about kicked the nicotine habit. If you can go two more weeks (OMG TWO WEEKS!?!?) without a cigarette, you’ll be FINE. It’s expensive, and good Lord, can you imagine the cost of imported cancer sticks in Benin? Not to mention, the terrible example it sets! There are lots of good reasons to not smoke while serving, and they’ll just have to be good enough to replace the sweet sweet bliss of the smoke swirling in with every . . . STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!
As for caffeine, there must be a way. These people aren’t savages. They are CIVILIZED, and since we ALL KNOW that civilization is built on caffeine, it’s just going to be a matter of getting your hands on some. No need to dispair. Not yet, anyway.
*breaks down and cries anyway*